I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.I talk a lot, so I’ve learned to just tune myself out.I’m…
I only drink on two occasions: when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.Three drinks a day keeps the doctor away...…
I like my coffee like I like my mornings - dark and strong!Coffee: because adulting is hard!Behind every successful person…
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode.I told my…
Laughter is the best medicine, but I didn't go to medical school.I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes…
Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you? And well you should not.Do or do not. There is…
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy saving mode.I'm not clumsy, I'm…
A successful relationship is just two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other.A relationship should be built on…
I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. - Michael ScottSometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even…
My job is so funny, I laugh all the way to the office!Work is so funny, I could write a…
Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a yacht big enough to sail right up to it.I asked my…
I asked the librarian if she had a book on paranoia, she leaned in close and whispered, 'They're right behind…
Marriage is like a deck of cards – you need a heart to love, a diamond to marry, a club…
Love is grand, but chocolate is even sweeter!I'm single and ready to mingle this Valentine's Day!They say love is blind,…
New Year's resolutions are just like babies: fun to make but extremely difficult to maintain.My New Year's resolution is to…
Who needs a Christmas tree when you can just decorate a pile of laundry?Christmas cheer: the only time of year…
I'm dreaming of a beach vacation, where the only worry is how many shades of suntan lotion to bring.Holidays are…
Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we diet!The only workout I'll be doing this holiday is lifting a glass…
I'm so scared of Halloween, I'm dressing up as a normal person.Halloween is the one night a year when people…
One Christmas I got a sweater from my grandma that I wanted to re-gift. It's still making its way around…