My husband is like a comedian without an audience - he's always cracking jokes, even when no one else is…
I'm so scary on Halloween that even ghosts cross the street to avoid me.I put the 'laughter' in 'slaughter' this…
I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you. - Robin WilliamsI love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound…
Exercise is my escape from reality, which is ironic because it makes my body ache.I like to think of exercise…
I'm not offended by dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb and I'm not blonde.I'm not a natural…
Life is like a dance floor - sometimes you step on toes, but in the end, it's all about having…
I'm not a Grinch, I just have selective Christmas cheer.Christmas is great, it's the carolers that need to be stopped.I…
Teamwork makes the dream work, but so does a funny meme.We may not be the funniest team, but at least…
Did you know that some birds can recognize themselves in the mirror? Talk about a vanity problem!In 2006, a comedian…
Nothing can prepare you for the moment your child uses your own words against you.Life as a mom is a…
I may not have aced math, but I can still count my friends on one hand.School is like a circus:…
Coffee: because adulting is hard and morning alarms are louder than my dreams.I take my coffee with a side of…
Friendship is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.A best friend is…
Did you know that the word bed actually looks like a bed if you turn it 90 degrees?Coffee is the…
Life is too short to take seriously, so have fun and enjoy the ride.In the chaos of life, find your…
Middle school may seem like the end of the world, but it's really just the beginning of your journey.Middle school…
If you ain't first, you're last.I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.Shake and bake, baby!The way I…
Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably crap.I love you more than a squirrel…
I am not lazy, I am just on energy-saving mode.I used to be indecisive, but now I am not so…
Life is too short to be taken seriously, so make sure to laugh along the way.The best things in life…