I'm not a Grinch, I just have selective Christmas cheer.
Christmas is great, it's the carolers that need to be stopped.
I put the 'bah' in 'bah humbug.'
Christmas is like a snowflake – beautiful, but cold and annoying.
The only thing I like about Christmas is the cookies.
Who needs presents when you can have a nap... Read More
Teamwork makes the dream work, but so does a funny meme.
We may not be the funniest team, but at least we laugh at our own jokes.
There's no 'I' in team, but there is a 'we' in 'weird.'
We may not always win, but we always have the best dance-offs.
Our team motto: 'Work hard, laugh harder.'
We're not just a team, we... Read More
Did you know that some birds can recognize themselves in the mirror? Talk about a vanity problem!
In 2006, a comedian in India named Raju Srivastav performed non-stop for 48 hours, setting a world record. I bet he had everyone rolling in the aisles!
The shortest war in history was between England and Zanzibar in 1896 and lasted only ... Read More
Nothing can prepare you for the moment your child uses your own words against you.
Life as a mom is a glorious mess, filled with love, laughter, and a never-ending supply of dirty diapers.
Motherhood: where going to the grocery store alone feels like a mini-vacation.
I used to have a nice car, now I have a mom mobile filled wit... Read More
I may not have aced math, but I can still count my friends on one hand.
School is like a circus: the clowns in the classroom, the animals in the hallways, and the ringmaster in the principal's office.
I didn't fail the test; I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
I have so much homework, I think I might start a 'Do My Homework' ... Read More
Coffee: because adulting is hard and morning alarms are louder than my dreams.
I take my coffee with a side of sarcasm and a sprinkle of mischief.
Coffee and I have a special bond - it just gets me, you know?
Life without coffee is like a broken pencil - pointless!
I didn't choose the coffee life, the coffee life chose me... Read More
Friendship is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.
A best friend is someone who makes you laugh even when you think you will never smile again.
A true friend is someone who knows all your dirty little secrets and still chooses to be your best friend.
Friends come and go, but a best frie... Read More
Did you know that the word bed actually looks like a bed if you turn it 90 degrees?
Coffee is the most widely consumed beverage in the world, second only to water. Looks like people really need their caffeine!
The average person spends six months of their lifetime waiting for red lights to turn green. Time well spent, right?
Ho... Read More
Life is too short to take seriously, so have fun and enjoy the ride.
In the chaos of life, find your own little piece of fun and hold onto it tightly.
The key to a fun life is to surround yourself with people who make you laugh.
Life is like a playground, so go ahead and have some fun on the swings.
There's no better feel... Read More
Middle school may seem like the end of the world, but it's really just the beginning of your journey.
Middle school is where friendships are made and memories are created.
In middle school, we learn to embrace our awkwardness and quirks; it makes us unique.
Middle school is like a roller coaster ride; it has its ups and downs, ... Read More
If you ain't first, you're last.
I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
Shake and bake, baby!
The way I see it, life is a lot like racing. If you don't take risks, you'll never win.
I'm all about the need for speed. If it doesn't go fast, I'm not interested.
I may be a race car driver, but family always com... Read More
Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably crap.
I love you more than a squirrel loves nuts.
You stole a pizza my heart.
I love you like a pig loves mud.
My love for you is like a never-ending buffet, always wanting more.
I'm like a squirrel chasing after your heart, always nuts for you.
If yo... Read More
I am not lazy, I am just on energy-saving mode.
I used to be indecisive, but now I am not so sure.
Some people's idea of a balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
I'm not clumsy, I'm just having an intimate relationship with the floor.
I trie... Read More
Life is too short to be taken seriously, so make sure to laugh along the way.
The best things in life are free. But most of the time, you'll find them in the fridge.
Life is like a rollercoaster - it's more fun when you scream.
I'm not clumsy, life just surprises me with random gravity checks.
Life is like photography - w... Read More
I did it! I survived four years of lectures, exams, and cafeteria food.
Now that I have a degree, I'll finally have some knowledge to back up my endless arguments.
My diploma is basically a receipt for a very expensive piece of paper.
Goodbye, school. Hello, adulting. Please be gentle.
From all-nighters to all-accomplishe... Read More
I'm a human, but I was raised by elves, so I have the grace of an elf and the clumsiness of a human.
The best way to spread Christmas cheer is by singing loud for all to hear. Or having an elf do it for you.
I'm not short, I'm elf-sized, which means I can fit through tight spaces and reach the top shelf for you.
I may be an elf... Read More
I'm not a smartass, I just have a higher intellect than average.
I may be a smartass, but at least I'm not a dumbass.
The difference between a smartass and a dumbass is a fine line, and I'm walking it gracefully.
I'm not arrogant, I'm just too intelligent for my own good.
If being a smartass is a crime, consider me guilty... Read More
Children are the world's greatest storytellers, with their wild imaginations and pure hearts.
In the eyes of a child, every day is an adventure waiting to happen.
Children are like sponges, absorbing every experience and learning from it.
A child's laughter is the sweetest sound in the world.
Children remind us to find jo... Read More
I am thankful for the small things in life that bring me joy.
Gratitude is the key that unlocks the door to happiness.
Thankfulness is the attitude that turns what we have into enough.
A thankful heart is a magnet for miracles.
I am grateful for the lessons learned from both success and failure.
Thank you for the la... Read More
May your troubles be less and your blessings be more on St. Patrick's Day.
May the road rise up to meet you and the wind be always at your back on St. Patrick's Day.
May your heart be light and your spirit bright on St. Patrick's Day.
May your pockets be heavy and your heart be light on St. Patrick's Day.
May luck be your... Read More
Workers of the world, unite! The history of all hitherto existing societies is the history of class struggles. The bourgeoisie
Read MoreSuccess is not determined by how many times you fall, but by how many times you get back up. Never
Read MoreDon’t be afraid to strike a pose and show off your inner model. Fashion is an art form that allows
Read MoreHungary is home to the largest thermal water cave system in the world. The Rubik’s Cube was invented by Hungarian
Read MoreThe night is full of mystery and magic, embrace the Halloween spirits. On Halloween, let your creativity shine brighter than
Read MoreProtect your biggest investments with the right insurance quotes for your home and auto. Insurance quotes for home and auto
Read MoreA classy independent woman knows her worth and demands the respect she deserves. She is not defined by her relationship
Read More
