Christmas Funny Quotes

Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people only once a year.

Christmas is the time when everyone wants their past forgotten and their present remembered.

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

Christmas is a time for giving gifts and pretending they’re surprises.

Who needs snowflake emojis when you can have real snowflakes falling from the sky?

Dear Santa, just leave the cash under the tree and no one gets hurt.

Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.

Santa saw your Instagram pictures. You’re getting clothes and a Bible for Christmas.

It’s the most wine-derful time of the year.

Christmas calories don’t count… if you eat them with Christmas spirit.

I’m only a morning person on December 25th.

I just want to sip hot cocoa and watch Christmas movies all day.

I solemnly swear I am up to snow good.

The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear… or baking cookies. Cookies work too.

All I want for Christmas is for someone else to do all the cooking and cleaning.

Ho, ho, ho… Holy cow, I put on weight!

Christmas is like a snow globe: shake it up and watch the magic happen.

The only thing on my wish list is to not have to make a wish list.

What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.

Christmas Funny Quotes part 2

I tried to take a selfie with Santa, but he put me on the naughty list.

The best way to spread Christmas light is to borrow your neighbor’s electricity.

Christmas wrapping paper is just wrapping paper’s way of saying, ‘I love you.’

Dear Santa, can I have a gym membership instead of a present this year?

I put a Santa hat on my cat and now he won’t stop judging me.

The only thing getting lit this Christmas is the fireplace.

Christmas is the time to believe in magic… and the power of credit cards.

Christmas is the season to be jolly… because you can blame it on the eggnog.

I’m on the naughty list, and I’m okay with it.

Christmas is the only time of year when it’s acceptable to wear a lampshade on your head.

Forget the fruitcake, I want a cake made out of cookies.

The best way to spread Christmas cheer is by annoying your family with Christmas music.

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own gifts.

The best thing about Christmas is that it’s socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day.

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas… but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.

Dear Santa, define ‘nice.’

My favorite Christmas carol? ‘We Wish You a Merry Margarita.’

I’m so jolly, I put the ‘ho’ in ‘ho ho ho.’

Christmas is the only time of year when it’s acceptable to wear glitter in your beard.

Tinsel is the herpes of crafting supplies.

Christmas lights: the best way to spot a neighborhood full of overachievers.

I think Santa Claus is a woman… I mean, who else would wear the same outfit year after year?

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas… But if it runs out, I’ll drink the pink.

Who needs mistletoe when you can have wine?

Christmas: the only time of year when it’s acceptable to wear socks with sandals.

Christmas is a time when you get homesick… even when you’re home.

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year… except that one time.

Christmas is the time to be thankful for all the gifts you received… like the friend who invited you over for dinner.

The best way to spread Christmas cheer is by annoying your neighbors with excessive Christmas decorations.

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas… But if the white runs out, I’ll settle for wine.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer had a very shiny nose. I’m calling animal control, something’s not right here.