Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.
I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
I’m not clumsy, I’m just dancing with gravity.
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes, so she hugged me.
I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
My sea sickness comes in waves.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
I’m not fat, I’m just easier to see!
Why did the bicycle collapse? It was two-tired!
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
I’m not lazy, I just rest before I get tired.
I named my dog ‘5 miles’ so I can say I walk 5 miles every day!
I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
I was going to tell you a joke about time traveling, but you guys didn’t like it.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then find someone whose life gave them vodka and have a party!
I’m on my own wavelength. Maybe that’s why I’m single.
Why don’t skeletons fight? They don’t have the guts.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.
I’m not good at math, but I can count on you to make me laugh.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
I’m not clumsy, I just like to test gravity every now and then.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
When nothing goes right, go left!
If there’s a will, I want to be in it.
I’m not fat, I’m just easier to see!
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes, so she hugged me.
I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.
I’m not a weatherman, but I can forecast you with a 100% chance of laughter today.
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
My seatbelt works great. But my life jacket is a little tight.
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
I renamed my iPod ‘Titanic’ just so it says ‘Syncing Titanic’ every time.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems!
I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels!
I don’t go crazy; I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy chocolate, and that’s pretty close.
Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me—I’ll laugh at you!
I’m not indecisive. Unless you think I am. In that case, I haven’t decided yet.
When life gives you lemons, throw them at someone and yell, ‘I said I wanted vodka!’
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