Funniest Office Quotes – A Collection of Hilarious Workplace Humor

I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.

My office chair is my throne, and I shall reign in laziness.

Coffee: because adulting without it is just surviving.

If idiots could fly, this office would be an airport.

Warning: My sense of humor may offend the humorless.

There’s no ‘I’ in ‘team,’ but there’s a whole ‘U’ in ‘useless.’

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it at work.

The office is my playground, and deadlines are my playmates.

I may be quiet, but in my thoughts, I’ve already quit.

Keep calm and pretend you’re working.

Work hard, nap harder.

I’m not a morning person, or an afternoon person. Let’s say I’m not a person in general.

The office microwave is my life coach. It reminds me to take things slowly and enjoy reheated leftovers.

The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary.

The office is my escape from reality. Sadly, reality still finds me there.

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

Waking up early is the second worst thing in the world. The first is going to work.

If you can’t convince them, confuse them. Works like a charm in meetings.

I love deadlines. I especially love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

I’m not bossy, I just have better ideas.

Funniest Office Quotes – A Collection of Hilarious Workplace Humor part 2

Just because I’m smiling while working, doesn’t mean I’m actually working.

I work hard so my cat can have a better life.

Teamwork makes the dream work, but a few snacks in the office pantry helps too.

Stressed spelled backward is desserts. Coincidence? I think not.

The only thing I like about mornings is that they’re followed by afternoons.

I have a love-hate relationship with my computer. We mostly hate each other.

If only being sarcastic was a marketable skill, I’d be a millionaire.

I’m not clumsy, it’s just the floor hates me, the chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.

I’m not procrastinating, I’m just doing some quality thinking.

The key to success is to be a good actor in front of your boss.

I don’t always finish my projects, but when I do, I take credit for everyone else’s work too.

If being sarcastic burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

If I won the lottery, I’d still come to work. But I’d complain less.

There are two types of people in the office: those who drink coffee, and those who’ve already had too much coffee.

Nothing is impossible. Just highly unlikely, and probably not worth the effort.

The office is the reason why I have trust issues with printers.

Procrastination is like a credit card: it’s a lot of fun until you get the bill.

I’m not a control freak, I just know exactly how things should be done.

My superpower is my ability to stay calm and composed while my desk is a complete mess.

I bet my co-workers that I could quit my job. They haven’t noticed I’ve been on vacation for weeks.

My favorite exercise at work is the ‘stop holding your breath until things get better’ routine.

I wouldn’t say I’m a workaholic, but my coffee mugs have prettier office views than I do.

I’m not a morning person, but I’m definitely a midnight snack person.

Office drama: the only soap opera I’m interested in.

If office politics were an Olympic sport, I’d at least win a bronze medal.