Funny Christmas Quotes
One Christmas I got a sweater from my grandma that I wanted to re-gift. It’s still making its way around my family, eight years later!
Why did Santa go to music school? Because he wanted to improve his wrapping skills.
I asked Santa for a new bike for Christmas, but I guess he thought I said ‘briefcase’ because all I got was a suit!
The best way to spread Christmas cheer is to sing loudly off-key for all to hear.
Santa seems jolly, but I bet he’s just one bad toy away from a full-on meltdown.
I put so much effort into wrapping gifts nicely, but my kids still tear through them like wild animals on Christmas morning.
I don’t need mistletoe this Christmas, I’ll just hold a credit card over my head and wait for my spouse to kiss me.
My favorite Christmas tradition is sitting in my pajamas all day, eating cookies, and pretending that I’m a Christmas elf.
I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red!
My holiday diet plan: Rock around the Christmas tree and eat everything on the bottom branches.
Christmas shopping would be so much easier if everyone’s sizes were listed on their forehead.
My family’s Christmas dinners can get so chaotic that I’ve considered using an air traffic controller to manage it.
Who needs Santa when I have Amazon Prime?
I love Christmas cookies so much that I could eat my weight in gingerbread men. And trust me, that’s a lot of gingerbread.
Funny Christmas Quotes part 2
The only thing that should be frozen during the holidays is Elsa.
I’ve tried to teach my dog to sing Christmas carols, but he just howls ‘Jingle Bells’ off-key.
How do Christmas angels greet each other? ‘Halo there!’
If you think nobody cares about you, try forgetting to buy a gift for someone this Christmas.
I can’t wait to hear Santa’s belly laugh on Christmas Eve. It’s like a jolly earthquake!
Christmas is the time of year when my full-time job becomes wrapping presents and my part-time job becomes finding the right hiding spots for said presents.
I’m dreaming of a tropical Christmas, where palm trees replace Christmas trees and hammocks replace stockings.
The best Christmas decorations are the ones you can eat.
Why did Santa go to therapy? Because he had a clause-trophobia!
The best way to spread Christmas cheer is to throw tinsel at everyone and yell, ‘I’m an elf!’
Don’t blame Santa if you’re on the naughty list. He’s just like a Google search engine – he knows if you’ve been bad or good.
My ideal Christmas gift is a silent alarm clock – one that doesn’t make a sound but still wakes me up early to open presents.
Christmas is the season to be jolly… and to receive socks as gifts.
Tinsel: The glittery gift that keeps on giving until July.
Who needs a partridge in a pear tree when you can have a pizza in a lemon tree?
Christmas dinner shouldn’t count as a cheat day, it should count as an Olympic sport.
How come Santa doesn’t wear a mask while delivering presents? Because he got his COVID vaccine from the North Pole’s top scientists.
I asked Santa for a body like the Rock for Christmas but instead, he gave me a rock-hard fruitcake.
How do Christmas trees prevent sniffles? They decorate themselves with no-sneeze ornaments!
A Christmas without snow is like a caroler without a tune – it’s just not right.
I tried to take a selfie with Santa, but all I got was a photo of the top of my head and Santa’s fluffy hat.
Why did Santa bring a ladder to the Christmas party? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!
My Christmas spirit is strong, but my ability to wrap presents in a neat and tidy manner? Not so much.
Watering a Christmas tree is like taking care of a pet that sheds endless pine needles.
If Santa sneezes while delivering presents, does that count as spreading Christmas cheer or spreading germs?
My Christmas shopping strategy is to buy something for myself, forget to remove the price tag, and then pretend I bought it as a gift for someone else.
Santa knows if you’ve been naughty or nice, but does he know when you’ve Netflix-binged an entire season in one day?
Christmas cards are the only acceptable way of bragging about how cute your family is without getting called out for it.
I told my kids that their Elf on the Shelf had to quarantine for 14 days, and now they think our elf is practicing social distancing.
I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I won’t turn down a Rose Christmas either.
The true magic of Christmas lies in the fact that socks become an exciting gift rather than a disappointing necessity.