My life is like a Facebook timeline, filled with random updates and stupid people.
I’m not addicted to Facebook, I just have an intimate relationship with it.
Facebook is the only place where it’s perfectly acceptable to talk to a wall.
If Facebook was a college, I probably would have graduated by now.
I have a secret power – I can scroll through my entire Facebook feed in under 5 seconds.
Facebook is like a fridge, you keep checking it even when there’s nothing new or interesting.
I wish I could delete my problems as easily as I delete my Facebook statuses.
I don’t need a therapist, I just need more friends on Facebook.
I never make mistakes on Facebook, I only have unexpected learning opportunities.
I don’t speak emoji, but I’m fluent in Facebook likes.
My life is like a Facebook status – constantly changing, but nobody really cares.
My brain cells die a little every time I log into Facebook.
Facebook is the reason why I have trust issues.
I don’t believe in ghosts, but I’m terrified of accidentally liking an old Facebook post.
If Facebook had a ‘dislike’ button, it would probably replace therapy for most people.
Facebook has made me realize that my friends are much funnier online than in real life.
I thought love was complicated until I discovered Facebook relationship statuses.
My mom’s friend’s dog’s cousin’s nephew just added me on Facebook. Now my life is complete.
Facebook reminds me of high school, except now I can unfriend the bullies.
If people put half as much effort into real life as they do into their Facebook profiles, the world would be a better place.
I wish I could ‘unsee’ some of the things I’ve stumbled upon on Facebook.
Facebook is the perfect platform to share trivial details about my life that nobody really cares about.
If ignorance is bliss, Facebook must be the happiest place on earth.
Some relationships are like a Facebook poke – annoying and completely pointless.
I don’t need love, I just need more Facebook likes.
Facebook has made stalking socially acceptable.
If I disappear, check my last Facebook status. It probably holds the clue to my whereabouts.
If you can’t handle me at my Facebook status, you don’t deserve me at my profile picture.
Facebook is the reason why my productivity level is at an all-time low.
If Facebook wasn’t free, I’d definitely be bankrupt by now.
My mom thinks I’m a computer genius just because I know how to upload a photo to Facebook.
Facebook is where personal crises turn into public entertainment.
I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook. Mostly hate.
Facebook should come with a ‘Are you sure you want to post this?’ warning.
If I had a dollar for every stupid post on Facebook, I’d be Mark Zuckerberg.
The best thing about Facebook is the unfriend button. It’s like magic with consequences.
Facebook knows more about me than my closest friends, which is both amazing and terrifying.
My Facebook feed is a mix of political rants and cat videos. It’s a confusing world we live in.
Facebook birthdays have turned into a test of who cares enough to memorize dates or set a reminder.
Facebook is like a never-ending reality show, and we’re all the stars that nobody really cares about.
I don’t know what’s scarier – facing my fears or facing the number of notifications on my Facebook account.
Facebook is like a time machine, reminding me of all the embarrassing things I’ve posted over the years.
I thank Facebook for reminding me that my ex was a terrible decision-maker.
Facebook relationship status: It’s complicated, just like my life.
Facebook makes me feel like a secret agent, gathering information about people without them even knowing.
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