Funny Marriage Quotes Guaranteed to Make You Laugh

Marriage is like a game of chess – one wrong move and you’re in checkmate!

Marriage is the ultimate long-term commitment, like agreeing to never be the little spoon again.

The best marriage advice I ever received was, ‘If you want your spouse to listen, talk to someone else.’

Marriage is finding that one person who annoys you the least out of everyone you know.

Marriage is when two people agree to compromise on what kind of pizza to order for the rest of their lives.

They say marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning.

The key to a successful marriage is to keep your sense of humor handy and your wine glass full.

Marriage is like a deck of cards – in the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’ll wish you had a club and a spade.

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person, despite their snoring habit.

Marriage is a relationship where one person is always right and the other person is called ‘the husband’.

Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

If marriage were a movie, it would be a romantic comedy… with lots of plot twists and an occasional thriller moment.

The secret ingredient to a happy marriage is a sense of humor… and lots of takeout menus.

Funny Marriage Quotes Guaranteed to Make You Laugh part 2

Marriage is like a fine wine – it gets better with age, unless you’re watching your waistline.

Marriage isn’t just about finding the right person, it’s about avoiding all the wrong ones!

Marriage is sharing life’s ups and downs, but mostly just sharing the remote control.

Marry someone who can tolerate your quirks because you aren’t getting any less quirky with age.

Marriage is like a walk in the park – Jurassic Park!

Marriage is the triumph of hope over laundry.

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Marriage is like a roller coaster – there are thrilling highs, terrifying lows, and moments where you just want to throw up.

Marriage is a workshop where husband works and wife shops.

Marriage is the only war where sleep is the battleground.

Marriage is a relationship where you… wait, what was I saying?

The key to a great marriage is to always keep a spare key, just in case you need to leave for a little while.

Marriage is like a phone call at noon – you can’t avoid it, and by the end, you’re wishing it was shorter.

Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one!

Marriage is a mutual agreement to annoy each other until death do us part.

Forget about finding your Prince Charming. Go for the guy who will make you laugh so hard you snort milk out of your nose!

Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an adult who can’t do laundry or cook.

A successful marriage is always a work in progress… like trying to fold a fitted sheet.

Marriage is like a tightrope walk – one wrong step and you’re sleeping on the couch!

Marriage is waking up every day and declaring, ‘I still can’t believe I found someone who will put up with me!’

Marriage is like a glass of water. You have to fill it up daily, or it gets empty and gathers a lot of dirty dishes.

Marriage is choosing someone to annoy for the rest of your life and hoping they don’t smother you in your sleep.

Marriage is the greatest reality show, where the daily challenges include finding lost socks and choosing a Netflix series to binge-watch.

Marriage is when two people come together to discuss the complexities of life… like whose turn it is to take out the trash.

Marriage is about finding the person who will still love you even after seeing you without makeup and in your sweatpants.

Marriage is the shared decision to panic when the dyer buzzes and the washing machine is full.

A great marriage is not only sharing the love, but also sharing the remote control.

Marriage is like a phone call in the middle of the night – it better be good news!

Marriage is a beautiful waltz, with each partner taking turns stepping on the other’s toes.

Marriage is an endless slumber party… with no snacks and a lot of morning breath.

Marriage is living with your best friend… who tends to leave their dirty socks by the front door.