Funny Quotes About Work

I always arrive late to work, but I make up for it by leaving early.

Work hard, nap hard.

I pretend to work because they pretend to pay me.

The only exercise I get at work is running my mouth.

Doing nothing at work: the secret to looking busy.

I don’t suffer from stress at work, I enjoy every minute of it.

Work is just a prolonged coffee break interrupted by meetings.

My job description should just be ‘professional procrastinator.’

I love deadlines. I love the wooshing noise they make as they go by. – Douglas Adams

If each day is a gift, I’d like to know where I can return Mondays.

Work is like a refrigerator – you keep opening it, but nothing good ever happens.

Keep calm and pretend you’re working.

I don’t always love my job, but when I do, it’s Friday.

I have a dream that one day, my lunch break will actually be long enough to eat.

I often find myself staring off into space at work. I like to call it ‘productively daydreaming.’

The only way to do great work is to love what you do. Or get paid really well.

I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode at work.

My computer screen is my window to the world – and by world, I mean funny cat videos.

If work was so great, the rich would have kept it all to themselves.

When in doubt, blame the guy who doesn’t speak the same language as you. It works every time!

Funny Quotes About Work part 2

I’m not saying I hate my job, but if it had a ‘snooze’ button, I’d be hitting it every five minutes.

Some people work best under pressure. I work best under deadlines.

The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary. And probably in a typo.

Keep calm and pretend like you know what you’re doing at work.

Decaf coffee: because it’s never too early to start pretending to work.

My job is to make money, not to make sense.

Work is like a drag race – everyone’s trying to get to the weekend in record time.

I don’t mind coming to work, but this eight-hour wait to go home is inconvenient.

Teamwork means that you can blame someone else for your mistakes.

I love my job, it’s the work that I hate.

Work motivation: the last cookie in the break room.

The hardest part about my job is pretending to be awake.

I work so I can afford a really comfortable desk chair.

By the time I’ve finished all my work, it’s time to go home.

I’m not a workaholic, I’m an ‘on-the-phone-checking-social-media’ enthusiast.

Work: do it well enough to look busy, but not too well to get more work.

If Monday had a face, I would punch it.

I’m not bossy, I just know what you should be doing.

If you think your job is hard, remember that Napoleon’s army crossed the Alps on elephants.

I don’t need a hairstylist, I just need a ‘I-woke-up-like-this’ filter for work.

My job consists of 90% googling things and 10% pretending like I know what I’m doing.

My biggest skill at work is pretending to be busy when my boss walks by.

The key to success is actually a ‘s’ because without it, the rest is just ‘uck’.

I can’t wait for the day that my signature becomes more valuable than my actual work.

I have so much to do at work today that I’ll probably just take a nap.