Funny Quotes from The Office

I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. – Michael Scott

Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way. – Michael Scott

I’m not saying I’m Superman, but have you ever seen us in the same room together? – Dwight Schrute

I am Beyoncé, always. – Michael Scott

I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me. – Michael Scott

I talk a lot, so I’ve learned to tune myself out. – Kelly Kapoor

I’m not crazy. I just have way more energy than any normal person. – Andy Bernard

Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ And if they would, I do not do that thing. – Dwight Schrute

I’m not a millionaire. I thought I would be by the time I was 30, but I wasn’t even close. Then I thought maybe by 40, but by 40 I had less money than I did when I was

– Creed Bratton

Sometimes the clothes at Gap Kids are too flashy, so I’m forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls. – Angela Martin

I’m like an owl. I’m wise, and I have a lot of feathers. – Erin Hannon

I’m not a hero. I put my pants on one leg at a time, just like everyone else. – Michael Scott

Funny Quotes from The Office part 2

The worst thing about prison was the dementors. – Prison Mike (Michael Scott)

I’m not reliable on a day-to-day basis, but when it really matters, I always come through. – Jim Halpert

I didn’t ask for it, but I was born with a competitive edge, and I guess that’s what has gotten me to where I am today. – Dwight Schrute

I can’t be bought. But I can be rented, temporarily. – Stanley Hudson

I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them. – Andy Bernard

People underestimate the power of nostalgia. Nostalgia is truly one of the greatest human weaknesses, second only to the neck. – Dwight Schrute

I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but at least I’m not a spoon. – Kevin Malone

It’s like Shakespeare said, ‘Pearls before swine.’ – Andy Bernard

A mistake plus keleven gets you home by seven. – Kevin Malone

I love catching people in the act. That’s why I always whip open doors. – Dwight Schrute

I am aware of the effect I have on women. – Michael Scott

I’m not a fan of this word ’employee.’ You have no idea how high I can fly. – Creed Bratton

I’m all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I’m being paid for here is my loyalty. But if there were somewhere else that valued loyalty more highly, I’m going wherever they value loyalty the most. – Darryl Philbin

I’m not a bad guy. I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell? – Stanley Hudson

I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. – Kevin Malone

You know what they say. Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice… strike three. – Michael Scott

I am fast. To give you a reference point, I’m somewhere between a snake and a mongoose… and a panther. – Dwight Schrute

I don’t want to live in a world without cheetahs. I could, but I don’t want to. – Ryan Howard

I am one of the few people who looks hot eating a cupcake. – Phyllis Vance

We need a new plague. – Dwight Schrute

Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year! – Dwight Schrute

I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl. So, I’m wise and I have worms. – Michael Scott

I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all, and it’s terrible. – Michael Scott

I’m always thinking one step ahead, like a carpenter that makes stairs. – Andy Bernard

Nobody likes beets, Dwight! You should grow something everybody does like. You should grow candy. – Jim Halpert

I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. – Michael Scott

Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that’s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing. – Michael Scott

I am not a hero. I do nothing heroic. I’m not even brave enough to be a coward. I just do what I’m told. – Kevin Malone

Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick? – Kevin Malone

I know I’m not perfect, but I try to be a good person, and I protect my friends. – Pam Beesly

Goodbye, Toby! It’s been nice. Hope you find your paradise! – Andy Bernard

When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life. – Angela Martin

I’m not really good with people. – Toby Flenderson