Funny Quotes to Bring a Smile to His Face
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… She hugged me.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He replied, ‘how flexible are you?’ I said, ‘I can’t make it on Tuesdays.’
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
I was going to tell you a joke about time travel, but you didn’t think it was funny.
I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia. She whispered, ‘They’re right behind you!’
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She explained, ‘I’m just surprised to see you!’
Why don’t eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up!
I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
Money talks… but all mine ever says is goodbye!
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
I’ll never date another tennis player. Love means nothing to them!
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally, I had to take his bike away.
I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something!
Funny Quotes to Bring a Smile to His Face part 2
What did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine!
I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
Why couldn’t the bicycle find its way home? It lost its bearings!
I told my wife she should do lunges to stay in shape. She replied, ‘That’s a big step forward!’
I used to be a baker until I couldn’t make enough dough. Now, I’m just rolling in the dough!
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
My wife asked me to stop singing Wonderwall… I said maybe.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, but it’s terrible!.
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places!
I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
What did one wall say to the other wall? I’ll meet you at the corner!
I was going to tell you a joke about time travel, but you didn’t think it was funny.
Why don’t skeletons ever go to parties? Because they have no-body to dance with!
A book just fell on my head… I’ve only got my shelf to blame!
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home early!
Why don’t eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up!
I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something!
Money talks… but all mine ever says is goodbye!
I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no-body to go with!
I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He replied, ‘how flexible are you?’ I said, ‘I can’t make it on Tuesdays.’
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
I tried water polo, but my horse drowned.
I’ll never date another tennis player. Love means nothing to them!