Funny Quotes to Lighten Up Your Workday

I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday and 4% on Friday.

I may not be perfect at my job, but I’m not afraid to point out when others aren’t either.

I asked my boss if I could take a vacation. He said, ‘Why? You already live in one!’

I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing at work.

The only thing I’m allergic to at work is actually working.

I always bring my best ideas to work… during lunch breaks.

I have a love-hate relationship with my job. I love my paycheck, but hate every minute leading up to it.

Work hard so you can impress your cats at home.

The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.

Just admit it, we all secretly check our work emails in the bathroom.

Remember, a clean desk is a sign of a cluttered mind. And a messy desk is a sign of… well, pure genius!

The only exercise I get at work is running late.

My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

I’m not saying I’m the perfect employee, but no one else is applying for my job.

It’s not that I hate Mondays, I just really enjoy complaining about them.

I’m not crazy, my workmates have just been testing me for years.

The early bird can have the worm, I’ll take the extra hour of sleep, thanks.

I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy saving mode at work.

Funny Quotes to Lighten Up Your Workday part 2

Coffee: the magical fuel that keeps the office from burning down.

I’m not procrastinating, I’m giving my brain a break… for eight hours a day.

Don’t worry about what your workmates think of you. They’re too busy worrying about what you think of them.

I like to arrive at work fifteen minutes late, so my boss has time to realize how productive I am today.

Work-life balance is important, so I spend half of my day at work dreaming about life and the other half dreaming about sleep.

Meetings are like watching a TV series. The pilot episode is exciting, but by the sixth season, you’re just waiting for it to end.

I wish I could put my work accomplishments on my resume… like finishing a 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle in record time.

If you think your work is pointless, just remember there’s someone out there making awesome Youtube videos for a living.

Teamwork makes the dream work, but so does a great coffee machine in the break room.

I always strive to be the best at work, even if it means being the best at taking naps in the restroom.

Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet. No matter how hard you try, it never looks quite right.

If you see me at work staring into space, just know that I’m exploring new galaxies and discovering parallel universes in my mind.

I don’t mind getting older; it’s just the ‘sitting at a desk for eight hours a day’ part that’s killing me.

Smiling is my favorite exercise at work. It’s also the only one I’m good at.

When life hands you lemons, squeeze them into your coworker’s coffee.

I’m not lazy, I just believe in a minimalist approach to work: doing the least amount possible.

I love deadlines. I especially enjoy the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

If you think your job is boring, just remember someone has a full-time job watching paint dry.

I tried working 8 hours straight once. The second hand on the clock laughed so hard, it fell off.

Stress is my greatest motivator at work… said no one, ever.

I’m not disorganized; I just have a unique filing system at work called ‘the paper trail’.

I don’t need a vacation, I need a new job. Or a winning lottery ticket.

If we’re all going to die anyway, is it really necessary to make the deadline?

Warning: Get your assignments done early or you might end up with a last-minute promotion.

If you can’t laugh at your own mistakes, I’ll do it for you.

I like to keep my desk messy. That way, if someone steals my stapler, they’ll have to dig through the whole pile of papers first.

Work hard, play harder. Except on Mondays, then just survive.