Funny Sarcastic Work Quotes

I love work, I could sit and watch it all day.

Work: the best way to procrastinate on life.

I pretend to work because they pretend to pay me.

I work well under extreme supervision.

My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

I would work, but Netflix and snacks are calling my name.

Why should I work hard when I can hardly work?

Work: the curse of the drinking class.

Sure, I’ll stay late because I have nothing better to do than be here.

I don’t suffer from laziness; I enjoy every minute of it.

I’m not lazy; I’m motivated to do nothing.

Work: the never-ending cycle of pretending to be busy.

I don’t always have to work, but when I do, it’s usually from home in my PJs.

The only exercise I get at work is running out of patience.

Work: the place where dreams go to die.

I’m not bossy—I just have better ideas.

Work would be great if it wasn’t for all the working.

I work so I can afford the luxury of complaining about work.

I’m not a control freak, but you’re doing it wrong.

I’m not saying I hate my job, but if it had a ‘sense of humor’ section, I’d still be unemployed.

If hard work were easy, everyone would be doing it.

I’m not saying I’m irreplaceable, but if everyone else could do my job, they would.

I love deadlines—I especially enjoy the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

Funny Sarcastic Work Quotes part 2

My job titles include Chief Procrastinator and Master of Avoiding Responsibility.

I need a six-month vacation, twice a year.

I don’t always have to spell words correctly, but when I do, it’s on my resume.

The ideal office temperature is lukewarm indifference.

I’d like to help you out, but I’m just too busy glaring at my computer screen.

I do my best proofreading after I hit send.

My favorite co-worker is the coffee machine.

I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying I’m right.

Roses are red, violets are blue, my job is boring, but it pays the bills too.

I have a hard time multitasking—watching YouTube videos while pretending to work takes all my focus.

I’m not a morning person, or an afternoon person, or an evening person. I’m just not a person.

Without me, this workplace would be a disaster—trust me, I remember the last time I took a day off.

I don’t always take a sick day, but when I do, it’s usually because I’m sick of work.

I’m not being lazy; I’m conserving energy for the future.

Don’t mistake my work ethic for a desire to work.

I’m on a 24-hour break from trying to fix everything at work.

My boss told me to dress for the job I want, so I showed up in pajamas.

Work hard, so your cat can have a better life.

Let’s agree to disagree, I’m right and you’re… not.

I could retire today and live comfortably for the next month.

The office isn’t a zoo, but it has a lot of animals.

My to-do list is just a list of things I’ll never do. Remember, these quotes are meant to be funny and sarcastic, please use them appropriately in the right context.