Funny Short Quotes – Adding Laughter to Your Day

I am not lazy, I am just on energy-saving mode.

I used to be indecisive, but now I am not so sure.

Some people’s idea of a balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just having an intimate relationship with the floor.

I tried being normal once, worst two minutes of my life.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

I don’t need a personal trainer, my microwave beeping after three seconds is enough motivation.

I like to keep my calories low by eating a cupcake in each hand.

I don’t need anger management, people just need to learn how to control their stupidity.

If there is a will, there are twenty relatives.

I wish common sense was more common.

I asked my mirror if I’m the fairest one of all, and it just laughed, so I left.

My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

I don’t snore, I dream of being a motorcycle.

I’m not a morning person, I’m an ‘I want to go back to bed’ person.

I can resist anything, except temptation.

I finally realized that being an adult means saying ‘I can’t believe it’s Monday’ instead of ‘I can’t believe it’s Friday.’

Funny Short Quotes – Adding Laughter to Your Day part 2

I don’t need a reason to drink, I just need a glass.

I’m on a 30-day diet, so far I’ve lost 15 days.

I stopped fighting with my inner demons, now we are on the same side.

I don’t have an attitude problem, I just have a personality you can’t handle.

The only exercise I do is jumping to conclusions.

I’m not weird, I’m just a limited edition.

I’m not a nerd, I’m just smarter than most people.

I don’t get older, I level up.

I run on caffeine, sarcasm, and inappropriate thoughts.

I always carry a knife in my purse, you know, in case of cheesecake or something.

I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

The only drama I enjoy is in my lashes.

I’m on a whiskey diet—I’ve already lost three days.

I don’t trust atoms, they make up everything.

I was born to be wild, but only until around 9 PM or so.

I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I’m a permanently exhausted pigeon.

I’m not crazy, my reality is just different from yours.

Fake friends are like WiFi, they come and go but a true friend sticks by your side.

Relationship status: Ran out of batteries.

The hardest workout of the day is the walk of shame.

I’m on a whiskey diet, I’ve already lost three days.

I don’t go crazy, I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

I don’t have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.