We're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye!
We’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye!
Burn some dust here. Eat my rubber.
Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!
It’s just like when I was a kid. My dad would come in and wake me up. ‘Rusty, Rusty, come look at the Christmas lights!’
Oh, woo. Look at the time. I gotta get to bed. I still have to brush my teeth, feed the hog, still got some homework to do, still got those bills to pay, wash the car.
Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?
You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.
You surprised to see us, Clark?
If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now.
The little lights aren’t twinkling.
Save the neck for me, Clark!
You couldn’t hear a truckload of bowling balls rolling through a nitroglycerin plant.
The silent majesty of a winter’s morn, the clean, cool chill of the holiday air, and an assh*le in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.
She falls down a well, her eyes go crossed. She gets kicked by a mule, they go back. I don’t know.
Hey Griswold, where do you think you’re going to put a tree that big?
This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here.
We’re not driving all the way out here so you can get one of those stupid ties with Santa Clauses on it, are we?
Clark, that’s the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.
I don’t know what to say, except it’s Christmas and we’re all in misery.
The jolliest bunch of assh*les this side of the nuthouse!
I simply solved the problem. We needed a coffin… Er, a tree. Hence, it’s fitting.
Oh, I was just smelling… smilin’. I was just blouse… browsing.
He’s cute. He’s cuddly. He’s contagious!
Don’t throw me down, Clark. I’ve got the asthma!
The doors got a little buckle in it.
When Santa squeezes his fat, white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assh*les this side of the nuthouse!
Is your house on fire, Clark? No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.
It’s a membership to the Jelly of the Month Club.
We’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas!
In the circus, people would pay $15 to see the bearded lady. You’re giving it away for free!
We checked every bulb, didn’t we?
Little full, lotta sap.
We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye.
Welcome to our home for the holidays! What are you looking at?
We didn’t want to miss out on your yule-tide cheer.
Yeah, a lot of sap in here. Looks great! Little full, lotta sap.
What is it? It’s your 1955 Swarovski Advent Calendar!
That’s one fragile piece of intellect you’ve got there Lloyd.
Sounds like somebody needs to sing a Christmas carol.
I don’t want to spend the holidays dead.
Why is the carpet all wet, Todd? I don’t know, Margo!
I’m sorry. This is our family’s first kidnapping.
You got a lot of nerve talking to me like that, Griswold.
It’s only because I’m a sucker for 102-degree temperature.
Don’t be a fool, Frank. Frank? Frank! FRANK!
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