Retarded quotes

I asked for a can of inspiration, but all I got was a bottle of stupidity.

If life gives you lemons, throw them at someone and run away because life is crazy like that.

The key to happiness is forgetting where you put it.

I can’t control the wind, but I can adjust my hair accordingly.

I have a love-hate relationship with gravity – it keeps me grounded, yet prevents me from flying.

I’m not crazy, my reality is just different than yours.

If life is a game, I lost the instructions and I’m making up my own rules.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about… unless you’re a mime.

I tried to be normal once, worst ten minutes of my life.

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me weird, I’d have enough money to buy my own island and live there happily.

I am not a meddler, I’m an extreme consultant.

I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.

I may be in my own little world, but at least they know me there.

I haven’t lost my marbles, I just can’t find them anywhere.

If you can’t be a unicorn, at least be the glitter that follows.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Never trust someone who says they don’t like pizza. It’s like saying they don’t believe in happiness.

My life is a never-ending circus, and I’m the clumsiest clown in town.

Retarded quotes part 2

I don’t need an alarm clock, I have a fearless cat who jumps on my face every morning.

Life is like a vending machine – you never know what you’re gonna get, but you still hope for some chocolate.

If patience is a virtue, I must be the most virtuous person alive because I’m always waiting for something.

I don’t make mistakes, I create unexpected opportunities for growth.

The trouble with trouble is that it usually starts out as fun.

I don’t take myself too seriously, life does a good enough job of that.

I love sarcasm, it’s like punching people in the face with words.

I’m not messy, I’m creatively organized.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just dancing with the floor.

I don’t procrastinate, I’m just waiting for the perfect moment to do nothing.

What’s a tomato’s favorite dance move? The ketch-up!

If life gives you oranges, squeeze them in people’s eyes and make them question their life choices.

I’m not weird, I’m limited edition.

If you were a fruit, you’d be a fineapple – sweet and a little bit prickly.

I don’t need a hairstylist, I just need a windy day and a lot of hairspray.

Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring so I go back to being myself.

I have a black belt in sarcasm, but I usually use it for self-defense.

If the sky is the limit, then I’m an astronaut without a helmet.

I don’t need a therapist, I have a colorful imagination and a lot of chocolate.

I’m not a control freak, I’m just very enthusiastic about planning everything down to the last detail.

I don’t believe in rainy days, just opportunities for impromptu dance numbers with an invisible partner.

I may not have it all together, but together we can have it all… or something like that.

If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

I don’t need a GPS, I have a deep relationship with getting lost and finding unexpected adventures.

My favorite color is rainbow because it embraces all the shades of my personality.

I’m not a quitter, I’m just really good at changing directions.

I’m not irresponsible, I’m just a believer in the ‘winging it’ philosophy of life.

I don’t need caffeine, I have a constant supply of energy from my imagination and the dreams I chase.

If life was a roller coaster, I’d be the one riding it backwards with my hands in the air.

I don’t age, I level up.

I’m not scatterbrained, I just have a lot of multitasking options running simultaneously in my mind.

I don’t believe in limits, unless we’re talking about the bag of chips – there should definitely be a limit on those.