I’m like a one-legged man in a butt-kickin’ contest!
If brains were dynamite, you couldn’t blow the wax out of your ears!
You couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel!
You’re about as sharp as a bowling ball!
The wheel is spinning, but the hamster’s dead!
You’re as useful as a screen door on a submarine!
I’ve seen better organized train wrecks!
You’re about as bright as a black hole on a moonless night!
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive!
You couldn’t find your way out of a paper bag!
You’re as welcome as a skunk at a lawn party!
You couldn’t hit water if you fell out of a boat!
You’re like a dictionary that only has the letter ‘L’!
You’re as slow as molasses in January!
You could mess up a one-car parade!
You’re about as useful as a trapdoor on a canoe!
If brains were taxed, you’d get a refund!
You couldn’t find your butt with both hands and a map!
You’re like a broken compass always pointing in the wrong direction!
You’re about as sharp as a marble!
You’re as useful as a screen door on a submarine!
You’re as clumsy as a bull in a china shop!
You couldn’t find your way out of a paper bag!
You’re about as bright as a 40-watt lightbulb!
You’re like a dictionary that only has the letter ‘d’!
You’re as slow as molasses in January!
You could mess up a one-car parade!
You’re about as useful as a trapdoor on a canoe!
If brains were taxed, you’d get a refund!
You’re as useful as a chocolate teapot!
You couldn’t find your butt with both hands and a map!
You’re like a broken compass always pointing in the wrong direction!
You’re as clumsy as a bull in a china shop!
You couldn’t spell ‘cat’ if I spotted you the ‘c’ and the ‘t’!
You’re as bright as a burnt-out lightbulb!
You couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn if you were inside!
You’re like a dictionary that only has the word ‘no’!
You’re as slow as a turtle stampede!
You’re about as useful as a parachute on a submarine!
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on Earth!
You couldn’t find your way out of a wet paper bag!
You’re about as sharp as a marble staircase!
You’re as useful as a screen door on a spaceship!
You’re like a rudderless ship in a storm!
You couldn’t hit the side of a barn even if you were standing inside it!
You’re about as bright as a burnt-out lightbulb!
You couldn’t catch a cold if you were locked in a freezer!
You’re like a broken compass always pointing in the wrong direction!
You’re as clumsy as a hippo on roller skates!
You couldn’t find your own reflection in a mirror!
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