Simpsons quotes

D’oh!

Mmm… donuts.

I’m Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?

Don’t have a cow, man.

Why you little!

Eat my shorts!

I’m a Simpson, I’ve got a little boy’s butt and a big fat man’s gut!

It takes two to lie: one to lie and one to listen.

I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell?

I can’t promise I’ll try, but I’ll try to try.

If it weren’t for me, you’d have never been my mother!

I didn’t do it, nobody saw me do it, you can’t prove anything.

Trying is the first step toward failure.

I have nothing but the greatest respect for women, but they don’t belong in the dugout.

You don’t win friends with salad.

I’m not easily impressed. Wow, a blue car!

I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be an emperor. That’s not my business.

Remember Marge, if something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can’t speak English.

I’m not normally a religious man, but if you’re up there, save me, Superman!

Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!

Oh, so they have internet on computers now.

All I’m gonna use this bed for is sleeping, eating, and maybe building a little fort.

Simpsons quotes part 2

To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.

I can’t go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency.

Why would anyone want to leave America? Except, possibly, Ben Franklin.

I like my beer cold… my TV loud… and my homosexuals flaming.

Remember, as far as anyone knows, we’re a nice, normal family.

Don’t worry, Bart. I’ve performed this operation before. If you’ll open your mouth, the operation should begin.

I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is.

Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol, and wild women. The other half I wasted.

What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway.

Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn’t, it’s that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such.

English, who needs that? I’m never going to England.

I’ve learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

It takes a lot of effort to look this average.

I may not have much left to give, but I still have my name.

I’m Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?

Dad, the monsters are driving me crazy!

If I’m gone, I want you to remember that SUVs are a far superior vehicle.

Please don’t eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

If I didn’t have you as a mother, I’d hug you!

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals… except the weasel.

Well, it’s 1 a.m. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel.

What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway.

Well, if you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t, you might as well be drunk.

I didn’t do it. Nobody saw me do it. You can’t prove anything.

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

The greatest lesson in life is to know that even idiots have their redeeming moments.