Memorable Quotes from Talladega Nights

If you ain’t first, you’re last.

Shake and bake!

I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.

You gotta learn to drive with the fear.

Dear Lord baby Jesus, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Dominos, KFC, and always delicious Taco Bell.

Watch your language, Ricky! This is the house of the Lord!

If we wanted two wussies, we would have named them Dr. Quinn and Medicine Woman!

One time, I wrestled a bear. I had to pop its shoulder back in the socket.

I’m all hopped up on Mountain Dew!

I missed you boys like I missed a rock in my shoe.

Don’t you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby!

I had a dream where Jesus was a dirty NASCAR driver and he taught me to race.

Nobody makes me bleed my own blood. Nobody!

I’m the best there is, plain and simple. I mean, I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.

I’m just a big hairy American winning machine, you know?

There’s nothing more frightening than driving with a live cougar in the car.

I just wanna say thanks for all the support, and the ones who didn’t support us, ya’ll can go to hell!

Driving fast and turning left, it’s like making love to a beautiful woman.

It’s the soundtrack to our lives, baby!

I thought when you said ‘with all due respect’ that it was like saying ‘Begging your pardon’ or ‘With all respect’ or ‘I don’t mean to sound like a dickhead,’ but…

Memorable Quotes from Talladega Nights part 2

Somebody get this man some fresh air because he just burned you!

Chip, I’m all jacked up on Mountain Dew!

A bear? You mean, like a Wookie?

That’s cause you put two tons of gear on us and said, ‘Hey, go fly like a bat out of hell!’

Ferrell, that shaking racecar thing DOESN’T WORK!

The doctor says I need a backiotomy.

Help me, Tom Cruise! Use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!

Hey, I like Christmas movies!

You don’t understand, I love that cougar.

If we wanted to drive slow, we could drive slow.

Shake and bake, baby!

I had a teacher tell me, ‘You’re too stupid to be a race car driver.’

Floating, infuriated about this stupid accent! I hate you Chip, I really do!

The fact that you’re not dead means you can be killed.

I’m going to French-kiss you like there’s no tomorrow!

Well, let me just quote the late, great Colonel Sanders: ‘I’m too drunk to taste this chicken.’

We go together like cocaine and waffles.

We’ve been through this before, Ricky. You can’t have two number ones.

Can I be honest with you, really honest? I hate your face.

I don’t know what to do with my hands.

Dear 8 pound, 6 ounce, newborn infant Jesus, don’t even know a word yet.

I used to believe in things when I was a kid, that dinosaurs roamed the earth and people could be elected president without knowing how to read.

You’re not paralyzed, you were just in a small coma!

With all due respect, you can take this trophy and shove it up your ass!

Winning is everything. Second place is first loser.