I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode.
My phone autocorrects 'LOL' to 'LOL-itation' and I can't stop laughing.
I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke off.
Life is like Twitter, you never know what you're gonna get in your feed.
I'm not a baker, but I can make hashtags disappear. #Presto!
Never tru... Read More
I finally realized that laughing at my own jokes is contagious!
Laughter is the best medicine, especially when it makes your abs hurt!
If life gives you lemons, don't just make lemonade, make a comedy show!
Laughter is like a fountain of youth, keeping you forever young and joyful.
I've found that laughing at my problems ... Read More
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
The problem isn't that I have too much fun, it's that I'm always the one left cleaning up the confetti.
I accidentally joined a marathon once. I came in last place and won the 'unofficial clown award.'
I asked the gym if they had any exercise classes for procras... Read More
I'm not clumsy, I'm just testing gravity...it still works!
I am the queen of multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
I don't need anger management. I need people to stop ticking me off!
I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode.
My room isn't messy, it's an obstacle course designed to... Read More
You stole my heart, but I'll let you keep it.
Love is like a fart, if you have to force it, it's probably crap.
You're the cheese to my macaroni.
You're the peanut butter to my jelly.
I fell in love with you like a drunk falls down a flight of stairs – it was clumsy and unexpected.
Love is like a war, easy to star... Read More
Work hard, laugh harder.
A day without laughter is a day wasted at work.
I don't always tolerate my coworkers, but when I do, it's because we're all laughing.
Life is too short to have a boring job.
If you can't find the humor in your work, you're doing it wrong.
I'm not lazy, I'm just in energy-saving mode at work.... Read More
Copernicus revolutionized our understanding of the universe.
Copernicus's heliocentric model challenged the prevailing geocentric view.
Copernicus's breakthrough undermined the authority of the Church.
Copernicus's work laid the foundations of modern astronomy.
Copernicus's discoveries paved the way for future scientific ... Read More
Coffee: because adulting is hard.
Coffee is my morning superhero.
I like my coffee like I like my mornings: dark and strong.
Coffee: giving me life since (insert birth year here).
You can't buy happiness, but you can buy coffee, and that's pretty close.
Behind every successful person is a substantial amount of coffe... Read More
Laughter is timeless, imagination has no age, and dreams are forever. – Walt Disney
If you can dream it, you can do it. – Walt Disney
All your dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue them. – Walt Disney
Hakuna Matata, it means no worries for the rest of your days. – Timon, The Lion King
The past can... Read More
Did you know that some species of spiders eat their partners after mating? Creepy, right?
The average person walks past at least five ghosts in their lifetime without ever knowing it. Spooky!
Before the invention of modern dentures, some people used real human teeth. Talk about a creepy smile!
The fear of dolls is called pediop... Read More
Did you know that it is illegal to lick a toad in certain countries?
In ancient Rome, people used to use urine as a mouthwash.
The average person walks the equivalent of three times around the world in their lifetime.
The world's oldest known joke is over 4,000 years old and can be traced back to ancient Sumeria.
Honey ne... Read More
Did you know that the human brain generates enough electrical impulses in a single day to power a 10-watt light bulb for an entire week?
The average person will spend approximately six months of their life waiting at red traffic lights.
It is estimated that there are more stars in the universe than there are grains of sand on all the... Read More
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. - Ron White
The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. - Terry Pratchett
I'm not superstitious, but I am a li... Read More
Success is not just about how much energy you put into your business, but also how effectively you channel it.
In business, energy is contagious. Surround yourself with energetic individuals and watch your business soar.
Entrepreneurship is fueled by passion and powered by energetic determination.
Don't just conserve your energ... Read More
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One policy, one rate: discover the convenience of bundling auto and home insurance.
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Peace of mind on the road... Read More
Protect your wheels with the best car insurance quotes in Utah.
Don't let unexpected accidents drain your wallet, get car insurance quotes in Utah.
Reliable car insurance quotes in Utah ensure peace of mind on the road.
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AARP auto insurance quotes: protecting your drive and your wallet.
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AARP auto insurance quotes: driving towards a secure future.
Drive confidently with affordable and reliable AARP auto insurance quotes.
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Protect your farming investment with Farmers car insurance quotes!
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We understan... Read More
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Compare, choose, and save with Ma car insurance quotes.
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Ma car insurance quotes give you the power to find the best coverage at the ... Read More
Workers of the world, unite! The history of all hitherto existing societies is the history of class struggles. The bourgeoisie
Read MoreSuccess is not determined by how many times you fall, but by how many times you get back up. Never
Read MoreHungary is home to the largest thermal water cave system in the world. The Rubik’s Cube was invented by Hungarian
Read MoreFireworks are the sparks of joy in the night sky. As the fireworks explode, so does my excitement. Fireworks are
Read MoreI don’t have an attitude problem. I just have a personality you can’t handle, similar to my horse. I’ve spent
Read MoreBelieve in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any
Read MoreDroughts are natural disasters that can have devastating effects on both humans and the environment. Droughts occur when there is
Read MoreKeep your focus on the stars, and your feet on the ground. Focus is the key that unlocks the door
Read More
