Quotes

I finally realized that laughing at my own jokes is contagious!

Laughter is the best medicine, especially when it makes your abs hurt!

If life gives you lemons, don't just make lemonade, make a comedy show!

Laughter is like a fountain of youth, keeping you forever young and joyful.

I've found that laughing at my problems ...
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I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

The problem isn't that I have too much fun, it's that I'm always the one left cleaning up the confetti.

I accidentally joined a marathon once. I came in last place and won the 'unofficial clown award.'

I asked the gym if they had any exercise classes for procras...
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I'm not clumsy, I'm just testing gravity...it still works!

I am the queen of multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

I don't need anger management. I need people to stop ticking me off!

I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode.

My room isn't messy, it's an obstacle course designed to...
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You stole my heart, but I'll let you keep it.

Love is like a fart, if you have to force it, it's probably crap.

You're the cheese to my macaroni.

You're the peanut butter to my jelly.

I fell in love with you like a drunk falls down a flight of stairs – it was clumsy and unexpected.

Love is like a war, easy to star...
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Work hard, laugh harder.

A day without laughter is a day wasted at work.

I don't always tolerate my coworkers, but when I do, it's because we're all laughing.

Life is too short to have a boring job.

If you can't find the humor in your work, you're doing it wrong.

I'm not lazy, I'm just in energy-saving mode at work....
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Copernicus revolutionized our understanding of the universe.

Copernicus's heliocentric model challenged the prevailing geocentric view.

Copernicus's breakthrough undermined the authority of the Church.

Copernicus's work laid the foundations of modern astronomy.

Copernicus's discoveries paved the way for future scientific ...
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Coffee: because adulting is hard.

Coffee is my morning superhero.

I like my coffee like I like my mornings: dark and strong.

Coffee: giving me life since (insert birth year here).

You can't buy happiness, but you can buy coffee, and that's pretty close.

Behind every successful person is a substantial amount of coffe...
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Laughter is timeless, imagination has no age, and dreams are forever. – Walt Disney

If you can dream it, you can do it. – Walt Disney

All your dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue them. – Walt Disney

Hakuna Matata, it means no worries for the rest of your days. – Timon, The Lion King

The past can...
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Did you know that some species of spiders eat their partners after mating? Creepy, right?

The average person walks past at least five ghosts in their lifetime without ever knowing it. Spooky!

Before the invention of modern dentures, some people used real human teeth. Talk about a creepy smile!

The fear of dolls is called pediop...
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Did you know that it is illegal to lick a toad in certain countries?

In ancient Rome, people used to use urine as a mouthwash.

The average person walks the equivalent of three times around the world in their lifetime.

The world's oldest known joke is over 4,000 years old and can be traced back to ancient Sumeria.

Honey ne...
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Did you know that the human brain generates enough electrical impulses in a single day to power a 10-watt light bulb for an entire week?

The average person will spend approximately six months of their life waiting at red traffic lights.

It is estimated that there are more stars in the universe than there are grains of sand on all the...
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I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. - Ron White

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. - Terry Pratchett

I'm not superstitious, but I am a li...
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Success is not just about how much energy you put into your business, but also how effectively you channel it.

In business, energy is contagious. Surround yourself with energetic individuals and watch your business soar.

Entrepreneurship is fueled by passion and powered by energetic determination.

Don't just conserve your energ...
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Simplify your life and save money with auto and home insurance bundle quotes.

Protect your assets and your peace of mind with a bundled insurance policy.

Get a custom quote tailored to your unique needs for both auto and home insurance.

One policy, one rate: discover the convenience of bundling auto and home insurance.

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Drive safe and smart, get car insurance quotes for Florida!

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Cover your car, protect your investment - get Florida car insurance quotes today.

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Peace of mind on the road...
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Don't let unexpected accidents drain your wallet, get car insurance quotes in Utah.

Reliable car insurance quotes in Utah ensure peace of mind on the road.

Safeguard your vehicle and finances with car insurance quotes in Utah.

Don't compromise on quality, cho...
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AARP auto insurance quotes: protecting your drive and your wallet.

Discover peace of mind with AARP auto insurance quotes.

AARP auto insurance quotes: driving towards a secure future.

Drive confidently with affordable and reliable AARP auto insurance quotes.

Get personalized coverage that fits your needs with AARP auto in...
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Don't let unexpected accidents ruin your farming operation, get Farmers car insurance quotes today!

Farmers car insurance quotes: safeguard your vehicles, protect your livelihood.

Drive worry-free with Farmers car insurance quotes for farmers.

We understan...
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Getting multiple car insurance quotes is the smart way to save money.

Compare, choose, and save with Ma car insurance quotes.

Say goodbye to expensive premiums with Ma car insurance quotes.

Take control of your car insurance costs with Ma quotes.

Ma car insurance quotes give you the power to find the best coverage at the ...
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Don't leave your wallet stranded when it comes to auto insurance in Arizona.

Get the best protection for your wheels with auto insurance quotes in Arizona.

Don't gamble with your car security; get an auto insurance quote in AZ.

Don't let accidents drive you crazy, get the right coverage with auto insurance quotes in Arizona. Read More