Bob Uecker Quotes

I must be the oldest player in baseball. I was always the youngest until now.

Baseball hasn’t been the same since I quit trying to steal home.

You know you’re getting old when you can’t get on a roller coaster because of a blood pressure test.

The highlight of my baseball career was pitching a no-hitter. Unfortunately, I was on the other team.

I once hit a ball so hard, I knocked the stitches off of it. The umpire called it a foul ball.

I didn’t make it to the Hall of Fame, but I did have a Hall of Fame mustache.

I have a face for radio, a voice for silent movies, and a body for a suit of armor.

They say laughter is the best medicine. Well, I’m the doctor of comedy then.

I once played an entire game with my fly unzipped. My teammates called it ‘Bob’s grand slam’.

My golf swing is like a free-spirit – you never know where it’s going to end up.

I may have been a mediocre player, but I was an All-Star in self-deprecating humor.

They say I have a face for radio and a voice for silent movies, but I guess I’m a comedic anomaly.

I always rooted for the underdogs because, well, I was one of them.

If it weren’t for baseball, I’d probably be the world’s best fantasy baseball commentator.

I was a catcher in baseball, but my real calling was catching the attention of the audience with my jokes.

Bob Uecker Quotes part 2

They say records are meant to be broken. Well, my record for most foul balls caught will stand the test of time.

I once struck out four times in a game, but I redeemed myself by striking out five in the next game.

I never hit many home runs, but I did hit a few out of the park once they stopped rolling.

I may have never won a World Series, but I did win the hearts and laughter of my fans.

I always aimed to be the funniest guy in the ballpark. I might not have made it, but I tried.

When it comes to interviews, I’m the master of avoiding questions like a seasoned politician.

They say ‘Bob Uecker is a man with a million stories’. And they’re all true, but don’t ask for the details.

I’ve been called the ‘voice of the Milwaukee Brewers’, but I prefer ‘the voice that makes people laugh in between innings’.

I once pitched a perfect game in my dreams. Too bad I was awake during the actual game.

I once played in a charity game where fans were allowed to steal bases. Believe it or not, I still got thrown out.

If they made a movie about my baseball career, it would be a comedy, not a sports drama.

I once asked the umpire if he had a brother, and if he did, was he a better umpire than him?

They say a good broadcaster brings excitement to the game. Well, I brought excitement to the bathroom breaks.

I once caught a ball bare-handed. Unfortunately, it was a hot dog thrown from the stands.

I may not have made it to Cooperstown, but I did make it onto a lot of blooper reels.

They call me ‘Mr. Baseball’, but I prefer ‘Mr. Jokes-and-Stories-Between-Plays’.

I always wanted to be a professional golfer, but then I remembered that I can’t even find the ball after I hit it.

If there was an award for ‘worst bunter in baseball history’, I’d have it named after me.

I never had the best batting average, but I always had the highest laugh average.

I once hit a foul ball so hard, it flew into the dugout and knocked out three coaches. They called it ‘Bob’s power swing’.

I may not have had the skills of Babe Ruth, but at least I had the wit of Groucho Marx.

I once played a game drunk, and surprisingly, it was the best game of my career. Maybe I should have drank more often.

I once tripped over second base while running to third. Let’s just say it was a ‘Bob Uecker special’.

I always had a great relationship with the umpires. They knew I was just joking when I called them blind.

I once played a game with my uniform on backward. I thought it was a new fashion trend.

They say ‘practice makes perfect’. Well, I must be the most perfect at making mistakes, then.

I once hit a line drive so hard, it broke the sound barrier. Unfortunately, it didn’t make it past the first baseman.

I once got ejected from a game for excessive cheerleading. The umpire said, ‘No one likes a show-off, Bob.’

I never stole bases because I didn’t want to be known as a thief. I preferred to be known as a comedian.

If life is a game, then baseball is the punchline. And I’m the one delivering it with a smirk.

I once played a game with my shoes tied together. The umpire called it a new dance move.

I may not have been a Hall of Fame player, but at least I’m in the Hall of Fame of self-deprecating jokes.

They say baseball is a thinking man’s game. Well, I must have been on another planet during most of my games.

I once hit a ball so high, it got stuck in the clouds. The umpire called it a pop fly.

I always wanted to be the fastest player on the field, but I guess I’ll settle for being the fastest wit.