Funniest quotes

I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.

I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

I’m not clumsy, it’s just the floor hates me.

Life is like a camera, focus on the good times, develop from the negatives.

I’m not addicted to coffee, we’re just in a committed relationship.

Don’t judge me by my coffee choices, you won’t like me when I’m decaf.

Brains are awesome, I wish everyone had one.

Don’t worry, I’m as clueless as the next person.

I was born to be wild, but only until around 9 pm or so.

Instead of cleaning my house, I just turn off the lights.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

I’m not a princess, I don’t need saving. I have Wi-Fi.

I’m not late, I’m on my own time zone.

My level of sarcasm is directly proportional to your stupidity.

I’m not crazy, my reality is just different than yours.

I’m not bossy, I just have better ideas.

I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

I’m not short, I’m concentrated awesome.

Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet. No one really knows how.

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

I’m not lazy, I’m just highly motivated to do nothing.

I don’t need a parachute, my sarcasm slows me down.

Funniest quotes part 2

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are still under construction.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just practicing my parkour skills.

Common sense is like deodorant, the people who need it the most never use it.

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving energy for something more important.

Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

I’m not always right, but when I am, nobody remembers.

I put the ‘pro’ in procrastination.

I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

I’m not crazy, my mother had me tested.

I can resist anything except temptation.

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then find someone whose life gave them vodka, and have a party.

I wish everything was as easy as getting fat.

I’m not clumsy, it’s just a gravitational attraction to the Earth is stronger on me.

I don’t need anger management, I need people to stop pissing me off.

I’m sorry, I can’t adult today. Please come back tomorrow.

I don’t need a hairstylist, I just need a hat.

I’m not addicted to reading, I can quit as soon as I finish one more chapter.

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

I’m not lazy, I’m just on my energy-saving mode.

I’m not a morning person, I’m a ‘need coffee before I can form a coherent sentence’ person.