Funny Alcohol Quotes to Brighten Your Spirits

I only drink on two occasions: when I’m thirsty and when I’m not.

Three drinks a day keeps the doctor away… well, at least the ones you don’t want to see.

I don’t need a therapist, I just need a bottle of wine.

Alcohol: because no great story ever started with someone eating a salad.

I workout so I can drink more wine. It’s all about balance, right?

In wine years, I’m already old enough to drink.

Alcohol may not solve my problems, but neither does milk.

I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a wine enthusiast.

Coffee keeps me going until it’s acceptable to drink wine.

I have mixed drinks about feelings.

Beer: the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems. – Homer Simpson

I’m not drunk, I’m just dancing in cursive.

Wine is my spirit animal.

Drinking wine is just my way of adulting.

I’m not drunk, I’m just speaking in cursive.

I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a professional wine taster.

I like to think of drinking as vertical yoga.

I’m not saying I’m Wonder Woman, but have you ever seen us in the same room without a glass of wine?

Drinking is like a vacation for my liver.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. – Benjamin Franklin

I don’t get drunk, I get awesome.

Alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.

Funny Alcohol Quotes to Brighten Your Spirits part 2

I tried cooking with wine, but after four glasses, I forgot why I was in the kitchen.

They say money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy me a bottle of wine, and that’s pretty close.

Alcohol doesn’t make you fat, it makes you lean… against tables, chairs, and random strangers.

I don’t cry over spilled milk, but I might cry over spilled wine.

I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.

I only drink on days that end in ‘y.’

Alcohol: because no great story starts with a salad.

Wine is like duct tape, it fixes everything.

They say too much alcohol kills your brain cells, but I say it just kills the weak ones.

Beer: because making bad decisions for over 5,000 years can’t be wrong.

I don’t need a prince, I need a full glass of wine.

My doctor says I need glasses. Wine glasses, that is.

I don’t have a drinking problem, I’m just really good at it.

Life is too short to drink bad wine.

I like whiskey. I’m pretty sure it likes me too.

My blood type is Riesling.

I’m not drunk, I’m drinking away my feelings.

Drinking wine is not my hobby, it’s my passion.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. – Benjamin Franklin

I’m not saying I’m Wonder Woman, but have you ever seen her and me in the same room without a glass of wine?

I’m not a regular mom, I’m a cool mom… with a flask.

The best wines are the ones we drink with friends.

Drink responsibly, don’t spill it.