Funny The Office Quotes

I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. – Michael Scott

I declare bankruptcy! – Michael Scott

Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way. – Michael Scott

I’m not a millionaire. I thought I would be by the time I was 30, but I wasn’t even close. Then I thought maybe by 40, but by 40 I had less money than I did when I was

– Michael Scott

I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good. – Michael Scott

I talk a lot, so I’ve learned to just tune myself out. – Kelly Kapoor

I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you. – Angela Martin

If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice. – Michael Scott

I’m not a bad boss. I brought in doughnuts today. – Michael Scott

I’m not great at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? – Chandler Bing

I am Beyoncé, always. – Michael Scott

I love inside jokes. I’d love to be part of one someday. – Michael Scott

I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage, because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers. – Michael Scott

Funny The Office Quotes part 2

I don’t need an inspirational quote. I need coffee. – Unknown

If I had a nickel for every time I said something smart, I’d be broke. – Creed Bratton

I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all, and it’s terrible. – Michael Scott

Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. It’s like I’m speaking in tongues. – Kevin Malone

I never smile if I can help it. Showing one’s teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life. – Dwight Schrute

I’m not lazy. I’m just energy efficient. – Unknown

You couldn’t handle my undivided attention. – Dwight Schrute

That’s what she said. – Michael Scott

I’m not a hero. I’m a high-functioning sociopath. – Sherlock Holmes

I don’t hate people. I just feel better when they aren’t around. – Charles Bukowski

The only thing I’m committed to right now is my delusion. – Unknown

Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring, so I go back to being me. – Unknown

I’m not short-tempered. I’m just a little ray of sunshine all the time. – Unknown

The best thing about a keyboard is that you can play it quietly with headphones on. – Unknown

I’m not crazy. I prefer the term ‘mentally hilarious’. – Unknown

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure. – Unknown

I don’t make mistakes. I create learning opportunities. – Unknown

I’m not bossy. I just have better ideas. – Unknown

I’m not arguing. I’m simply explaining why I’m right. – Unknown

I’m not a control freak. I just want things done my way. – Unknown

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. – Jim Carrey

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it. – Unknown

Don’t worry if plan A fails. There are 25 more letters in the alphabet. – Unknown

I’m not clumsy. It’s just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way. – Unknown

I’m not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing. – Unknown

I don’t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it. – Unknown

I don’t need a hairstylist. My pillow always gives me a new hairstyle every morning. – Unknown

Nothing is impossible. The word itself says ‘I’m possible!’ – Audrey Hepburn

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug. – Unknown

I’m not good at keeping secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t keep them. – Unknown

I’m not a quitter. I’m just an aspiring non-finisher. – Unknown

I’m not short. I’m concentrated awesome. – Unknown