Funny Workplace Quotes

I pretend to work because they pretend to pay me.

The key to productivity: coming up with creative ways to avoid work.

My job description should really include ‘professional coffee drinker.’

I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.

Work hard so you can buy the office snacks you really want.

I’m an expert at multitasking, I can procrastinate and daydream at the same time.

Teamwork makes the dream work, but a nap makes me feel refreshed.

Smiling at your computer screen is a great way to confuse your coworkers.

I’m not clumsy, it’s just the floor hates me.

My best ideas come to me during meetings, unfortunately, they’re all about quitting my job.

If you’re not making mistakes at work, you’re probably not working.

I have a love-hate relationship with my job: love the paycheck, hate the work.

I don’t have a bad attitude, it’s just my work voice.

Being late to work is my way of extending the weekend.

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

I don’t always tolerate fools at work, but when I do, it’s for a paycheck.

My coworkers think I’m on a diet because I only eat the free office snacks.

I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I’m a permanently exhausted pigeon.

Coffee: because adulting is hard.

The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.

Funny Workplace Quotes part 2

My doctor prescribed me a break from work, but my boss didn’t agree.

Success is 1% inspiration and 99% pretending to be busy when the boss walks by.

My favorite exercise at work is jumping to conclusions.

The only thing that motivates me at work is the upcoming lunch break.

I’m a firm believer that the best ideas come from the bathroom stall.

I turn coffee into code.

I work well under pressure… as long as that pressure is a deadline.

I always give 100% at work… 10% Monday, 20% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday…

I have a degree in multitasking: I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

I’m not a control freak, just a master of micromanagement.

The secret to success is knowing how to fake enthusiasm on Monday mornings.

I’m living proof that coffee is a productivity enhancer.

If speaking my mind at work was a sport, I would have gone to the Olympics.

Staying late at work doesn’t mean I’m dedicated, it means I have unlimited Wi-Fi.

I may not be perfect, but my coffee mug is.

Laughter is the best medicine, which is why I’m telling jokes instead of working.

I’m an expert in pretending to listen during conference calls.

My desk is a reflection of my mind: organized chaos.

I don’t need a gym membership, I get my cardio from running late to meetings.

I’m not bossy, I just have better ideas.

The office thermostat is my arch-nemesis.

I’ll believe corporations care about their employees when coffee gets replaced with Red Bull.

I don’t have a job, I have a long-term relationship with Microsoft Excel.

The best way to find hidden talents at work is by accidentally sending an email to the wrong person.

My salary may not be high, but my office chair spins.