Hilarious Quotes from The Office that will Make You LOL

I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.

I talk a lot, so I’ve learned to just tune myself out.

I’m not lazy. I’m just conserving energy.

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.

I pretend to work until the Friday drinks cart comes around.

Coffee: because adulting is hard.

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me lazy, I’d probably hire someone to pick up all the dollars I made.

I’m not late, I just prefer the scenic route to my desk.

I would exercise, but it makes me spill my wine.

I’m not bossy, I just have better ideas.

I don’t get drunk, I get awesome.

The only thing I’m committed to right now is avoiding work.

I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.

If sarcasm burned calories, I’d be a supermodel.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just testing gravity.

My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

I don’t need a gym membership, my desk chair has wheels.

I’m not a morning person, I’m an all-day-hater.

I’m not being rude, I’m just saying what everyone else is thinking.

I’m not losing weight, I’m just getting rid of excess awesomeness.

Coffee: because adulting is hard.

My body is not a temple, it’s a mini-mart with beer.

Hilarious Quotes from The Office that will Make You LOL part 2

I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.

I’m not ignoring you, I’m just prioritizing my time accordingly.

I’m not short-tempered, I’m just on a mission to eradicate stupidity.

I don’t have a problem with caffeine, I have a problem without it.

I don’t need a personal trainer, I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy snacks out of my hand.

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me lazy, I’d probably hire someone to pick up all the dollars I made.

I’m not lazy, I’m just actively in energy-saving mode.

I’m not arguing, I’m simply explaining why I’m right.

I don’t need anger management, I need people to stop pissing me off.

I’m not hard to understand, you’re just easy to confuse.

I would exercise, but it makes me spill my margarita.

Don’t mistake my efficiency for laziness.

I’m not always late, but when I am, I make it look fashionable.

I’m not antisocial, I’m selectively social.

I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

There’s no ‘I’ in ‘team’, but there is a ‘U’ in ‘useless co-worker’.

My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

Office parties: the perfect opportunity to mingle with people you avoid during work hours.

I don’t need a gym membership, my office chair has wheels.

I can’t adult today, please don’t make me adult.

If only I could get paid to look busy, I’d be a billionaire.