Laugh Out Loud with Hilarious Drinking Quotes

I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a problem with not having a drink!

Alcohol may not solve all your problems, but neither does milk.

I only drink on days that end with ‘y’.

I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a wine enthusiast.

My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.

I’m on a whiskey diet – I’ve lost three days already!

I don’t need a therapist, I just need a glass of red wine.

I believe in a balanced diet: a glass of wine in each hand.

If life gives you lemons, add vodka and throw a party!

I dream of a world where tequila shots are considered a form of exercise.

I don’t always drink, but when I do, I become the most interesting person in the room.

Drinking coffee with your ex is a great way to tell yourself you’re still cool.

Behind every successful person is a substantial amount of coffee.

I can’t adult today, please bring me coffee!

Coffee: because adulting is hard.

I’m not a coffee addict, I’m a coffee enthusiast.

I don’t need an inspirational quote, I need coffee!

Coffee is my love language.

Step aside, coffee. This is a job for alcohol!

Cocktail hours are my happy hours.

Wine is like duct tape – it fixes everything!

Beer – because no great story ever started with someone eating a salad.

Laugh Out Loud with Hilarious Drinking Quotes part 2

I’m not drunk, I’m just intoxicated by the sound of my own awesomeness.

I like to think of my drink as a vacation in a glass.

The problem with drinking responsibly is that it’s not as much fun.

Life is too short to drink bad wine.

If beer and wine are proof that God loves us, then hangovers are proof that he has a sense of humor.

I have mixed drinks about feelings.

I’ve reached that age where my brain goes from ‘you probably shouldn’t drink that’ to ‘what the hell, let’s get weird!”

Drinking alcohol doesn’t make you fat, it makes you lean – against tables, chairs, walls…

A hangover is just your body reminding you that you had a great night.

I only drink on two occasions – when it’s my birthday and when it’s not.

I like my water with barley and hops.

Beer makes me hoppy.

I don’t get drunk, I get awesome.

Drinking margaritas doesn’t make you an alcoholic, it makes you a margarita enthusiast.

I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a professional drinker.

I’m on a whiskey diet – I’ve lost three days already!

They say every hour you drink reduces your lifespan by an hour. Well, I’ve got it all calculated and I died in 17

Drinking beer doesn’t make you fat, it makes you lean… against bars, tables, and chairs.

I’m not saying alcohol is the answer, but it does help you forget the question.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

In dog beers, I’ve only had one.

I started thinking about drinking and then I started drinking about thinking.

I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a drinking solution – beer!