Schitt’s Creek Quotes

Ew, David!

Fold in the cheese!

All this stress is giving me stress!

I’m trying very hard not to connect with people right now.

Why are you doing this to me? What did I ever do to you? Besides lie to you about everything and hide who I really am.

Just let me shop for one hour in peace or I will tell everyone that we slept together.

I could not be happier right now if I were surrounded by fluffy puppies in a field of wildflowers and they were all kissing me.

I am capable of much ugliness, so just please, let me be ugly.

Sometimes I feel like I’m in a horror movie and none of the characters speak English and they’re all really mean and they’re also puppets.

I would actually prefer a root canal over spending another minute with these people.

I’m not drunk, I’m just intoxicated by you.

Your success is our success, and your failure will be treated as such.

If you’re looking for an apartment here in Schitt’s Creek, unfortunately, our vacancy rate is zero, but I could recommend a room at an upscale barn.

There’s nothing worse than being ordinary. I hate being ordinary.

We may have to kiss in public, so get your Chapstick ready.

I drink red wine and I watch documentaries, just like everyone else.

I’ve been thinking about it, and I’m just not sure I’m ready to have less money.

If not for CROWVIRGINIA, we wouldn’t be doing this interview right now. We’d be dead in a ditch somewhere near Trenton, because my son insisted on stargazing for no apparent reason!

Schitt’s Creek Quotes part 2

I may have to start going by ‘genevieve’ for a spell. It’s a Madonna – just one name. Like Cher, but French and better.

Eat glass, you entitled, gingham-smelling creep!

How do I tell you that I’m incapable of telling you anything without sounding like I’m mad at you?

You know what Oscar Wilde said – always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

There is nothing wrong with the word ‘defective’. We’re all defective, that’s what makes us human.

Well, perhaps there’d be fewer misunderstandings if we had separate rooms.

Being able to help people is a privilege.

Do you think it’s possible that you’re incapable of being happy?

People would rather deal with a cold truth than with a warm lie.

I used to wear heels taller than all the men in the room, but I refuse to wear shoes that make me taller than you now.

I have to make an effort now. I used to be entitled. I used to be young, and I used to be mean, like you.

When one is celebrating a schmilestone, one wants quite a schmancy setting in which to schmooze and schmingle!

I’m not frightened of much. I’m not frightened of being frightened.

Schitt’s Creek, the only place where the yacht club and the morgue are the same building!

I don’t want to be a hanger-on-er around-er.

I’ve never needed anybody before. But I need you.

Always know what you’re dealing with before you get into bed.

You may own a third of this town, but it is not your name on this deed.

I’m responsible for my own actions, and my actions are happening to you!

Love that journey for me.

I’ve never really looked for anything or anyone before.

I know that I’m very good at reading people. My therapist says it’s because I’m a textbook narcissist.

Our coffees were finally warm enough to drink together.

You find me sad. I find you attractive. Obviously both of those things are gonna color our judgment.

I’m not really great at taking the truth right now.

You have a great family. You have your own business. You’re doing well for yourself. I don’t know why you’re so unhappy.

I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a smarter statement than that.

Kiki was indifferent to Cameron. That’s a lot for Kiki because she usually alternated between lukewarm and ice cold.

It would take a woman with a footing of Diane Sawyer to handle that kind of news.

I’m freaking out about a mistake I made months ago in front of Alexis, which she may or may not still remember.

Reservoir Dogs okay? So it’s about six criminals who call each other by color names like Mr. Pink? That’s doing it for Mr. Black.

She makes choices I don’t understand. She wears clothes I don’t understand.