Top Talladega Nights Quotes to Make You Laugh

Shake and bake!

If you ain’t first, you’re last.

I’m all jacked up on Mountain Dew!

I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.

I’m a race car driver, I can’t be hindered by common sense.

It’s the story of a man who could only count to #1.

I’m just a big, hairy American winning machine.

You gotta learn to drive with the fear.

Chip, I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey!

I’m the Magic Man, now you see me, now you don’t!

I’m like a cougar in heat, ready to pounce.

Help me, Oprah Winfrey!

I’m gonna come at you like a coiled rattlesnake!

My mind’s filled with a thousand dreams of you and the things we’re gonna do.

I’m not sure if we should kiss or have sex right now.

Hey, Cal, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by.

I wanna go fast!

We go together like cocaine and waffles.

Derp! Did we just become best friends?

Here’s the deal, I’m the best there is.

I feel something between us. I think it’s our souls touching.

You gotta learn to drive with your eyes closed. It’s a Zen thing, like when I was doing yoga in a tank 20 minutes ago.

You can’t have two number ones.

I had a dream where Jesus was a dirty old bum, and I was about to sock him in the face because he was trying to steal my thunder.

Top Talladega Nights Quotes to Make You Laugh part 2

I know I’m awake because I’m eating grilled cheese and drinking wine.

I’m flying through the air, this is not good!

I’m a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess.

Are we about to get it on? Because I’m ready to pump it in.

You’re gonna have a bad day if I find you.

When you’re rich and famous, it’s hard to trust people. I’m glad people like me, don’t have to.

I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey hopped up on Mountain Dew!

Hey, we’re getting nowhere fast, let’s hit the track!

I’m Ricky Bobby, and if you don’t chew Big Red, then f*ck you.

I play real sports, not trying to be the best at exercising.

Help me, Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me!

Driving fast and turning left, that’s all there is to it.

You can either join our winning team or get out of the way.

I gotta go out there and I gotta dominate. I’m thinking like a killer. I wanna win!

It’s the fastest, wickedest and most evil mind twisting, mind-turning, mind-bending, mind-munching way to tangle your senses in knots.

If we always did what we’re supposed to do, we’d always be exactly where we are now.

I’m afraid of fast food. I eat Barracuda.

I’m gonna bring the Wonder Bread to the redneck party.

They’re about as useful as a poopy flavored lollipop.

My car’s faster ’cause it’s got wings!

It doesn’t matter if it takes half a pound of cocaine and a twelve-inch dildo. We’re gonna win!